I would like to start this text with a quick information about my person, but not like the 0815 phrases "My name is xy, I am xy years old". No, I'd like to introduce myself in a different way. I was hurt many many times in my young life so far. I lost family members and friends to death. I was treated bad by friends. I was treated bad by people that should actually take care of me and educate me. At the age of 16 I already tried to take my life 4 times. With 17 I was brought to hospital due to extreme weight loss and basically I didn't eat because I did not feel like continuing. Horrible thing, isn't it? With 17 I thought I met a person who could help me love myself. I thought I finally found somebody who could love me. We got along very good but some weeks later no sign of her. Completely gone. No text message, no nothing. I felt played with. I felt treated so bad. I felt like giving up on my life, for real this time. It was enough. It happened many times before. Betrayed by friends, misunderstood by family. I wrote letters, I recorded a video. I was ready to go because this life, well this life felt like a burden. I felt like a burden to people around me. It felt like something I cannot carry, and there was nobody to help me. No friends, no family that would understand me. The day I tried to end it, I went to my room, made my bed, opened the window, cleaned the floor and finally, I went to my PC to log out of my social media profiles. On the last network I had a new message. "Hey. How are you? Did you enjoy your holiday? The pictures you posted look great. I hope you dont mind that I ask, actually you don't have to text me back". True, actually I didn't have to text her back. I mean, why should I? I honestly don't even remember texting her back. I just remember walking to my final destination​ and my phone vibrated. "That's great! I am happy that you texted me back. I would really like to talk to you more. I hope this doesn't seem weird..soo what are your hobbies?" She wrote in a really self-conscious way but at the same moment she knew how to talk to me. I climbed on the stone wall but instead of taking a step ahead I decided to sit down and write a last message. Looking at those old messages I must say I was a jerk. I didn't show any interest in her. I was just answering her question and that's it, but within a minute she texted me back "Yeah I love to travel too. We have a lot of hobbies in common, that's pretty cool :)" I had to smile, but I was also sad because she didn't ask me anything anymore. I was just sitting on that wall, looking down now. Seeing people walking there, cars rushing down the street. I felt sad again, I remember. *Phone vibrates* "I think you look really pretty on your profile picture. Damn I must sound like a creep, but you give off something really calming and inviting. I hope you don't mind my words. When will you go back to Prague? It's sad I didn't text you sooner, we could have met for coffee or something". My mind told me that she is playing games. She doesn't want that. She wants the same as the girls before. Make me fall for her and then when I show my feelings drop me. She didn't do anything to me but I began to dislike her. "Don't trust her. She just wants to play with you" is what was on my mind. I turned around, empty park and very dark clouds above me. The cold air started to hurt on my fingers. What am I even waiting for? I stood up. Looked down. I couldn't. I couldn't because it didn't feel right to me. She would never know why I didn't replied and the last thing I want is somebody to think bad about me. Short answer, just telling her that I don't feel good. Some seconds later I received messages of support and understanding. I told her that it would be better if we wouldn't talk, I only bring trouble. "BULLSHIT. Are you in danger or something? What are you doing right now, are you okay". Her understanding ruined my bad mood. It started to rain. I got more messages saying "Keep talking to me please. Just write something so I know you are still here" I didn't tell her where I was. She couldn't know what I was planning to do. That day is the day when my girlfriend saved my life. Over two years passed now. I look back and see a life that I love. I never thought that I would say that but I am thankful for the things that happened to me. I am so thankful for people mistreating me, people hurting me. Every thing I hated became something I am now proud of. Every wrong decision in my life brought me to the moment I logged out of Tumblr and me seeing that message. Everything is good. Everything will turn out good. It was meant to be. I am at my final destination.





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