Beyond The Suicide Edge

Beyond the dreamer's edge, I explore various ruins. I explore various temples with ancient artifact. I fought against many monsters both weak and strong. Yet I keep finding myself reminded of the lost elf girl named Lenora. I visited her tombstone, and there I am greeted by her angelic statue.

I had at times been iffy at the possibility of visiting graveyard, and yet as of late I keep visiting the lost Lenora. And I remain beside her side, longing for the lost Lenora. However part of me realizes she is gone forever, and she will never come back ever. And yet I long, long, and long for the lost Lenora. I see creatures in the night, who call me names, and mock at me with phrases quite profane. And yet I no longer care about my inner world, and would just as soon let it rot so I can finally be with the lost Lenora. Perhaps I have said her name to much, the lost Lenora.

Well that's Lenora for you.

I no longer have anything desire for the worlds beyond the dreamer's edge, and find my solace wandering across Purgatory Road to find some place to off myself and die. And descend into the dreamer's edge beyond the dreamer's edge. And hope that I may reincarnate no longer obsessing about the lost Lenore. I hold in my hand a white night flower, and wait for the midnight showers.

So I wait for a long time in the cold.

Hopping across time and space beyond the dreamer's edge, I relive old memories of previous vacation trips. Where I would purchase different level of heat for different Hot Sauces along the coast. There is also a bookstore, where I would hang out at time and look at books other authors have written. And I try as I might to try to picture myself living their lives. And yet their lives are not mine. For the logical divine has chosen t to live my own life as I am however I am. And it expect me to do whatever I can to be me. Because that is all I am.

And yet at time I want to be someone else.

At times I want to be the president of the United States and rule the nation with an iron fist, and other times I hop into the bodies of other people across time and space. Because at time I've felt that my reality is not my own. For I wish to experience other people's sins and see what they feel they must atone for, or if perhaps they feel no need to atone at all.

This is my life's ambition, my personal call.

The call to understand my own emotions.

And to understand others.

The inspector came for their morning roost, who long to give us our morning roast. And after they leave I shall have a morning toast to my own life, and for others. As I live one more day if I don't die of alcohol poisoning. I suppose that there are worse fates for those who empathize to much, as they live others lives among earlier centuries among the Dutch and futuristic conglomerate nations. In world where people eat upon military rations, or eat among fine caviar. I had once tried caviar, and yet it is to salty. Yet perhaps I shall treat myself, as I descend yet again beyond the dreamer's edge, longing to go back to the world beyond.

I vanish into appear in the new life.

My new life, my new story.

Beyond the dreamer's edge the imprint of memories fades by the sunlight, forming vague impression in how one views their own life.

It is often unpredictable whether inspections will be merely giving one sheets and towels, or more rigorous ones where the manager bitches about at least something every time you enter the motel. At a point in time when we might be losing money soon, you might think they are losing money as well. But then suddenly that revenue stream from them will be all gone.

My room mate is considering becoming a voice actor, although I find it doubtful she will be motivated to do anything. But if she can get the INTERNET, I may motivate her to try to figure out how to get an voice acting career. The uncertainty is in whether she will have to go somewhere or perhaps will be able to do it from home. Although she knows my kinks, and I generally try to only masturbate under the blanket, I get tired of having to censor what I do even though the only reason I do is do to psychological issues regarding whether I even should do to my psychologically abusive family. For my family was narcissistic about certain kinds of things, and would always insist on me not being fit to be a parent, regardless of what my own views were on the matter.

And they put me in a mental state where I constantly felt like a kid, and therefore became psychologically dependent on others to make money on my behalf, when reliant on someone who is hardly motivated to do anything, this therefore has the tendency to set negative things in motion for my life.

But there is an SSI station in Seatak in King County.

Maybe I can see whether that is fruitful.

I will ride on the bus toward the King County Seatak side, and look at various landscapes toward the edge of forever, hoping for some sort of change in my life. Or I may decide to kill myself in the following weeks, only time will tell. I'm entirely uncertain how the shelter is going to go, and a lot of my uncertain is how I tend to value my own privacy, and in general in cities you pretty much almost never get any privacy. There is also exposure to the elements. And even if it is indoors there is still the issue of someone just waltzing int your room without asking.

That's largely why I would have liked to actually get disability before we were in this mess, but this motel in Milton with abusive motel inspectors had ruined my life without having INTERNET for a long time. I still fill like that place owes me damages, but you just try suing somebody when you are as destitute as we are. And so our life moves forward with a kind of uncertainty.

Beyond the dreamer's edge, one finds themselves in various prisons of the flesh, engaging in various BDSM affairs, from paddling maids, beheading slaves, and other mixes of pleasure and pain. I live a life of the profane, the financially dying, and one lost in their own personal Purgatory. The place where all night terrors and good dreams come to end gotten rid of for the same crime of existing, and one simply waits to put a noose over their neck.

And then dangled forever.

But sometimes things change subtly at first.

And sometimes things you thought would be the worst end up actually being better for your mental health in the long run.

So no need to put mouth to gun.





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