Doesn't feel like home

When Jonathan reached the street to go back to his apartment he realized that it was already 11 am. „What if she called me?, what if she realized I haven’t been home?“. He grabbed the first cab he saw and felt like in a movie when yelling at the driver to take him home as fast as he could. The building they used to live in together was an old townhouse from the 60s with high ceilings and large windows, and therefore sun-filled corridors. As the cab pulled near he remembered choosing it with her. They were so in love with each other and so in love with this apartment it didn’t even matter that the wallpaper was mostly coming off and that there was a very weird smell that reminded them of a mixture of wet dog and Lillys. They just knew this was their place just like he knew that this was the woman that he would marry one day. He tried to find the keys in his jeans pocket and when he finally managed to get them out he couldn’t get in fast enough. He ran up the 3 flights of stairs and went directly to the answering machine. „you have no new messages“. He was relieved, or disappointed, he did not know. The entire way to his apartment all he had wished for ist hat she had not realized he was gone, but now, that she apparrantly hadn’t he was sad, angry and felt more alone and guilty than he had all morning. They had been on a break for almost 3 weeks now. She had moved out to live with a friend or so., she didn’t wanna tell but it did not change anything. They loved each other, the timing was just really fucked up. He put his fists on his eye lids to numb the pain and to stop himself from crying as he remembered. He remembered the first time they met. It wasn’t one of those moments of love at first sight but when he saw her he knew that she was gonna play a bigger role in his life, had he only known how big. Jonathan met Emily at a birthday party for one of his best friends. She was standing with a group of girls and they were giggling at the birthday card they had just signed. She was perfect to him. She wasn’t beautiful as to current standards, she wasn’t skinny or tall but she was so full of life and right this second he knew that he needed to meet her. She was wearing a dark grey dress that showed off her perfect boobs and her perfect ass and she didn’t conceil her curves. Her laugh was pure and loud and her dark brown curls were bouncing up and down as she laughed. As he saw her the saying popped into his head „if you smile enough your wrinkles will be in the right places“. He was sure that hers would be and without even realizing it he was imagining what she would look like next to him on a park bench feeding ducks, as cheesy as that was. For him love and romance up until this point had been paying for dinner or holding the door, but he sensed that this woman would change him. He went over to her and there was no bullshit. They got to talking and immediately knew that there was something there. Even if it took them a couple of dates to really click they knew right then and there this was meant for something bigger. He didn’t want to think of her right now. He knew exactly that if she ever found out what had happened last night that this would be it. There would never be a chance of them getting back together. He was screwed this wasn’t a city where people didn’t know each other, this was a city where everybody somehow knew your mom, your dad, your sister, your boyfriend or girlfriend and chances were that someone had slept with either of them. You couldn’t keep a secret here.
When he called his best friend he didn’t know where to start. They went out together last night in the hopes of cheering him up and getting him out of the house after all this time and Jonathan actually refused to come with but he did anyways cause just cause your girlfriend is not going doesn’t mean you can’t. They were right but Jonathan was just not able to see it yet. He loved this woman an all the single talk about getting with a different woman every night and staying single made him sick, especially at this point. Of course it didn’t used to back the the days but now right after this break up he wasn’t ready, but he wasn’t gonna admit that to the guys. So he went anyways. The phone was ringing for quite some time when Danny picked up. His voice sounded rusty, like he had been smoking and drinking for the past 3 weeks straight:“hello.....“
„Danny, whats Up“
„duuuuude where the fuck are you?“
„I could ask you the same question, listen, I know you re hungover and all but can we meet up, I really need to talk to you?“
„sure sure, beer? At .. in about an hour“
„yeah I guess I m gonna stick with coffee but sure. I ll see you then“





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