-Born in the wrong era-
I look around and I’m certain: something isn’t right. I don’t fit in this world, in this society. Or it doesn’t fit me. I’m a dreamer. Always have been. But my dreams have always been somewhat accomplishable. Not anymore. There is this desire. This great wish dominating my thoughts. I want to live in a different world. A different time. I need typewriters, vinyl, Polaroid cameras, telephone cells. All those simple things. I don’t want to live in a world where smartphones, computers and artificial intelligence dominate and control us. It’s quite depressing to see that nowadays, kids have to be dragged away from their computers, consoles, smartphones to get some fresh air. It upsets me. Living in such a world, a digitalized, impersonal one. It’s unbearable.
What am I doing here? I don’t belong. It’s a weird feeling. This feeling of not belonging. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy my life and also, I enjoy the advantages that technology has given. Finding my whole assignment on the internet is not much of a bad thing. I simply prefer a world without. I don’t understand the urge of people wanting to tape everything to post it on Snapchat, Instagram or Facebook. Every minute of a concert, a party, a gathering. Why can’t we just enjoy the music, the atmosphere, the time we spend together without showing everyone? What is it that drives us? Why does today’s society have this desire of making everyone be part of their lives? Is it, what others think of us that feeds us? Does showing people that we are at a party fulfill us with some kind of satisfaction?
I’ve had enough. Enough of this world. Enough of my addiction to my smartphone, my computer, all this technology. Enough of wasting time by looking at content on Instagram that I don’t even care about. But I cannot live without it, either. Growing up with it, I’ve gotten so used to it. I didn’t learn how to read a map. I didn’t grow up getting the newspaper every day. But I wish I had. I wish I had grown up with all that. Because now, I don’t dare to leave it. It referring to the internet, technology. Because I am afraid of missing out. Missing out on events, parties, festivals, meetings. Life without internet today? Basically impossible.
I sometimes feel like inside a bubble. I see everything, I somehow also take part in the happenings and contribute to them. But a thin wall- so easy to break, but it’s there- separates me from this world. Something inside my brain cracked. And it makes me want to live somewhere else. A parallel universe, where all those wonderful, simple things from the past still exist and where those are ingredients to everyday life. One where the internet does not exist and where we are all kind of stuck in those good old times. I feel a deep nostalgia for those times. Knowing such times existed and I didn’t get to live in them, instead, I am stuck in an era that I don’t feel comfortable with, leaves me with a deep sadness, even emptiness to some extent. It’s like there is a hole in myself that I cannot fill. I can buy myself all those wonderful things from the past I so much adore, but it won’t change my surroundings. The world will still be dependent on the things I try to avoid.
It's not fair. It’s simply not fair. I want to live the way that my parents did. There was a time when I fit in. I used my smartphone with all social media the same way my friends do, now. But I’ve grown. And to me, this feels… idiotic. To be honest, I don’t care. I don’t care how many parties you attend, how long you’ve stayed up last night or how many bottles of vodka there are on your table. I couldn’t care less about your new iPhone or your new shoes. It’s not only the things themselves that are status symbols, anymore. It’s everything. Your 500 followers on Instagram will think you are cool because you attend hip parties, your friends on Snapchat will see how drunk you were and another one will receive a voice message on WhatsApp with loud music and screaming. And now, I wonder, what’s the point?