it's okay
if you don't understand
but i just wish you didn't act
like you could comprehend
and
i wish you had a bit of tact
you look at me like
you knew best what i should do
tell me
"i've been sad before, too
everybody has been" - yikes!
but, see..
i've given up trying
to make you understand, but i've
noticed you still worry
and i've written down a little story
of my everyday life
it might get weird, but i'm not lying
i just knocked over a glass
of iced tea
the sticky substance is moving fast
across the table next to me
recently
i barely have energy
and i never know how
to clean up enough
so there's quite some stuff
that's getting drenched now
the book i've been reading
and my camera
and several little things
like pens, sunglasses... and well, my bra
i stand up, alarmed
i have to act quickly
to save the things that would be harmed
and the other stuff too - it's hella sticky
earlier i've been drinking
some frizzante with a friend
and i kinda tend
to not clean up right away
so the half full bottle still stands
next to the table, when i make my way
to stop it all
i accidentally knock it over
and with a loud noise it falls
and if i wasn't before, at least now i'm hella fucking sober
it's late at night and i think of my neighbour
he always complains about
that we are too loud
for
his taste - it stresses me out
i remember him saying
"when you let money up there
fall down to the ground
then down here i can tell you from where
i'm standing, by the sound
how much it was"
whenever i take a step
in my own fucking flat
his words are cruising through my head
and i hope he doesn't come upstairs
to complain again
because right in this moment
i wouldn't have the energy, my friend
to handle that
the tea almost reaches the end of the table
i curse and then stumble over a fucking cable
i get a cloth
to stop it
there i sit
and wipe it off
it's a hot summer night
but not long ago
a little storm has come up with thunder and light
and i thought the heat is over, hell yeah
i had opened the window
to let in some fresh air
but now the wind is blowing strong, announcing fall
the window pounds
against the wall
more sound
the posters on the wall
are coming off a bit
from a place so tall
i can barely reach it
everything around me
is moving
it's always moving
and moving, and moving again
and you try soothing
me with phrases like:
"everybody gets sad now and then"
and i'm never in control
then sometimes there's a loud scene on tv
and it just scares me
you see...
it's not about
the sadness
it's just that when your power's out
everything gets so loud
and moves so quickly
that you get sick
also sick of being so tired
and you feel nothing
but you don't wanna be rude, but also not a liar
and all the easy tasks
feel like a mountain of a burden
and whenever someone asks
how you are - well you don't wanna hurt them
with problems nobody can solve
you'd rather evolve
solely on your own
but when you're alone
all you've ever done wrong
is coming back
but well what the heck,
you're scared
of having to waste even more energy
because the last time you cared
it didn't go comfortably
well
so you're tired
and fucking petrified
and sometimes you can't even muster the energy to wash yourself so you even fucking smell
like dirty socks from hell
so if a glass of iced tea
that has fallen over
has ever made you cry and wish that it was over
if ever, while you went to get a drink
you've looked at the dirty dishes in your sink
with eyes that are so fucking tired
when a sudden, random thought has left you suddenly sad and quiet
and god, how i wish for you that that won't be the case,
my friend
but if it does, then you can look into my face
and tell me that you understand