Am I still here?

I had finally started to get going with my studies and I was making good progress in catching up what I had missed, especially when my parents were there. I avoided Lena as much as I could by doing a lot of courses from home. After the disaster with Anna I wasn’t sure I wanted any friends at the moment. I wanted to concentrate on making things with Sasha work out. All I wanted was for us to be happy. I sat in front of my computer on the couch while Sasha was at work. I had my hands wrapped around a cup of tea and my legs on the table. I stared at the screen but my mind kept drifting off to Joey and Vicky. My parents had hit a soft spot. I missed Vicky like crazy. I hadn’t talked to her in ages, a couple of messages here and there but no real talk. I knew she was still angry with me for what I did and I didn’t know how to make it stop. I wished I could ask Sasha again about getting Vicky to Germany but I wasn’t sure if she really wanted to go anymore. I opened my picture folder from last summer and looked at the last pictures taken. It was at a lake right around the corner from my house. Vicky and I were suntanned and freckled and smiling goofily into the camera. I remember we had spent almost every day at that lake and our evenings on either one of our patios barbecuing with our families. We had mosquito bites everywhere and one of us always had a sunburn somewhere. Joey was with us most of the time, when he didn’t have to work. I couldn’t think of a happier time. I closed my laptop and just stared at the wall. How could I make Sasha feel that way and most of all how could I convince everyone else and me, that I was just as happy here.

Thinking about my friends back home made me realize how lonely I had been. I picked up my phone and scrolled through my contacts. The only person that still talked to me was Megan, even though I almost never saw her anymore. I hit the call button and she picked up on the third ring. „Hey girl, what’s up?“ I was happy to hear her voice. „Nothing much, just trying to study.“ „How’s that going for you?“ I could hear her smile on the other end. „Not that well. Hey I was wondering if you want to get together some time soon?“ „Yeah I would like that. What were you thinking?“ „I haven’t made any plans yet, but maybe we can go out sometime next week? Just the two of us?“ „Sounds like a plan to me. You know when I work, just text me with the details and I will be there.“ „Perfect, can’t wait.“ It felt like I had at least achieved one thing today.

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