Dearest one of times long past
have you found your joy at last
climbed your way atop the mast
of this boat that sails too fast

Do you now and then remember
the frozen tears of a november
that would melt upon your hair
while we cuddled on the stairs
in the eyes of jealous strangers
full of guilt and fear of dangers
and you cared but never should've
for things they'd do but never could've
so the touch that filled our voids
made you cold and paranoid
'til the day that you decided
that half your world would be discarded
ran away from you and I
left me waiting clueless why

I became a ball of hatred
that the lack of you created
with a gaze that scares the masses
smoking weed and skipping classes
a chapped up mouth that only cusses
tapping feet in trams and buses
doomed to groom the blooming gloom
in the darkness of my room
bleeding pleads you'll never read
freed by greed you didn't feed
fingering lingering nicotine
into thinkings on a screen
or dozing off towards the floor
until mom would bang the door
loudly asking why I weep
every time I fall asleep
while you partied all those nights
wearing thongs and slutty tights
trading moans of skinny junkies
for my off-key Arctic Monkeys
for which I wrestled with my fear
whisper-singing in your ear

I drowned the end of every call
in empty nights and alcohol
as my friends would wait for hours
listening to those fights of ours
that only made it worse and worse
while you'd cry and I would curse
enraged with lies that you would spew
every time I asked to see you
so the words that left me choking
I would soak with sighs and smoking
greeting dawns with silent screams
digging graves for all my dreams
trying not to slit my wrists
staring stern with clenching fists
every time I'd come to school
and see the filth around you drool
every day was all the same
'til the silent New Year came

You said we'd go together
a perfect ending of december
but of course the plan had changed
you had something else arranged
an empty house with loads of addicts
and one of them to have your lips
while I went with all my buds
to the city's cheapest pub
full of flirt and drunken glee
fifteen pints and sober me
midnight passed and longing beckoned
I told my friends I'll take a second
the streets were empty, snowflakes spent
battery at one percent
as I pressed upon my cheek
the only place to hear you speak
then somehow shivered from the lungs
"Happy New Year, having fun?"
and you sighed explaining how
you can't really talk right now
I felt my skin begin to crawl
as you said "Bye" and hung the call
my mind tore until it split
I died back there and that was it

I quit the woe and dropped the pen
we were back to school again
you were busy doing drugs
hugging all your infant thugs
giving to unholy duties
what was left of all your beauty
I would pass you in the hall
look your way and see the wall
we were done and I was glad
you were done and you were sad
chasing dope in your decay
as it ate your mind away

And so went our bad attempt
lastly ending in contempt
and a thought that will reside
about a story where you tried.


Fairy Dust



Social Media