When I died
I have something to tell
Something you should've known all along
I may have met you in Hell
But that is not where you belong
I'm not afraid of the monsters under your bed
I don't fear the demons in your head
So don't hide in the shadows that you fed
They should take me instead
The lives we led, the blood we shed, I won't forget
But I will never regret the night we met
I'm glad to be with you even when glooms spread
If you can't believe in anything, believe that
I'm no human and I'm not a man
But I'll be whatever it takes for you not to drown
If you need me, I will do what I can
If you can't hold on to me, I will follow you down
So I fell
I fell from grace, I fell from Heaven high above
'Cause no one could compel
I fell to you, I fell for you, I fell in love
I'd go back to Purgatory just to show you that I care
How could Heaven be a home when you're not there
Even the Empty is full of you
You changed me, I need you too
It's not about what you can give
I just want you to live
If you could see yourself from my point of view
You would know you deserve to be saved, you do
How could you think of yourself so less
After everything you and I have done
Don't you know, you are my happiness
Will you remember my name when I'm gone
We share a profound bond
But I must confess
The one thing I want
Is something I know I can't have
You are a beautiful soul in all this mess
You are worth the life I chose to give
I never second-guessed my death
Or that you should live
In all these years I never dared to hope
I could spend the rest of my life with you
But here we are at the end of the scope
I know what to do, time to tell what's true
My love has been quiet
Strange to say it out loud
I guess it's too late not to try it
So you will no longer doubt
I can't be with you now
So whenever you feel lost
I want you to know
You are loved
When your head gets weary
And times get rough
I want you to remember clearly
You are enough
- Castiel
script s15e18: »Cas' heart breaks to see Dean so broken. (...) Castiel, devastated - he turns to Dean, sees his resignation, his guilt and shame. (...) And we see Cas' POV of Dean again - his face drawn, drained of hope. But still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester.«
"I always wondered what it could be... what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it. (...) I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're daddy's blunt instrument. And you think that hate and anger, that's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... But I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean. (...) I love you." Cas to Dean 15.18
"You don't think you deserve to be saved." Cas to Dean 4.01
music:
Let Go - Kory Miller
recommendation:
short oneshot "Don't you cry no more" by me to the SPN-finale
