it's okay
if you don't understand
but i just wish you didn't act
like you could comprehend
and
i wish you had a bit of tact

you look at me like
you knew best what i should do
tell me
"i've been sad before, too
everybody has been" - yikes!
but, see..

i've given up trying
to make you understand, but i've
noticed you still worry
and i've written down a little story
of my everyday life
it might get weird, but i'm not lying

i just knocked over a glass
of iced tea
the sticky substance is moving fast
across the table next to me

recently
i barely have energy
and i never know how
to clean up enough
so there's quite some stuff
that's getting drenched now

the book i've been reading
and my camera
and several little things
like pens, sunglasses... and well, my bra

i stand up, alarmed
i have to act quickly
to save the things that would be harmed
and the other stuff too - it's hella sticky

earlier i've been drinking 
some frizzante with a friend
and i kinda tend
to not clean up right away
so the half full bottle still stands
next to the table, when i make my way

to stop it all 
i accidentally knock it over
and with a loud noise it falls
and if i wasn't before, at least now i'm hella fucking sober

it's late at night and i think of my neighbour
he always complains about
that we are too loud
for
his taste - it stresses me out

i remember him saying
"when you let money up there 
fall down to the ground
then down here i can tell you from where
i'm standing, by the sound
how much it was"

whenever i take a step
in my own fucking flat
his words are cruising through my head
and i hope he doesn't come upstairs
to complain again
because right in this moment
i wouldn't have the energy, my friend
to handle that

the tea almost reaches the end of the table
i curse and then stumble over a fucking cable

i get a cloth
to stop it
there i sit
and wipe it off

it's a hot summer night 
but not long ago
a little storm has come up with thunder and light
and i thought the heat is over, hell yeah
i had opened the window
to let in some fresh air

but now the wind is blowing strong, announcing fall
the window pounds
against the wall
more sound

the posters on the wall
are coming off a bit
from a place so tall
i can barely reach it

everything around me
is moving
it's always moving
and moving, and moving again
and you try soothing
me with phrases like:
"everybody gets sad now and then"

and i'm never in control
then sometimes there's a loud scene on tv
and it just scares me

you see...

it's not about
the sadness
it's just that when your power's out
everything gets so loud
and moves so quickly
that you get sick

also sick of being so tired
and you feel nothing
but you don't wanna be rude, but also not a liar

and all the easy tasks
feel like a mountain of a burden
and whenever someone asks
how you are - well you don't wanna hurt them
with problems nobody can solve
you'd rather evolve
solely on your own

but when you're alone
all you've ever done wrong
is coming back

but well what the heck,
you're scared 
of having to waste even more energy
because the last time you cared
it didn't go comfortably 
well

so you're tired
and fucking petrified
and sometimes you can't even muster the energy to wash yourself so you even fucking smell
like dirty socks from hell

so if a glass of iced tea
that has fallen over
has ever made you cry and wish that it was over

if ever, while you went to get a drink
you've looked at the dirty dishes in your sink
with eyes that are so fucking tired

when a sudden, random thought has left you suddenly  sad and quiet

and god, how i wish for you that that won't be the case,
my friend

but if it does, then you can look into my face
and tell me that you understand




Kommentare

  • Author Portrait

    Your voice ist beautiful, please read more texts. ♥ And your Text ist fantastic. :) Please More. ♥~♥

  • Author Portrait

    I was listening to this with eyes closed when I suddenly misheard the line "so you're tired and fucking petrified" for "so you're tired and a fucking pedophile". I was like "Wait WHAT?" o.O Great reading, would listen to more of your stuff!

  • Author Portrait

    Damn that's nice. And the soundtrack makes it even better. One can tell you lay your whole heart into it. You wouldn't by any chance be persuadable to use your awesome voice to help me audio-izing some of my own stuff?

  • Author Portrait

    btw i might need to clarify that this is only partly from an autobiographic viewpont :) though i did knock over a glass of iced tea yesterday haha

  • Author Portrait

    I do understand. I know the feeling of having a lack of energy and to look at dishes or other household stuff with tired eyes. the world seems to spin around faster than ever before you found yourself just standing there without moving a bit and wondering how you can ever keep up. I often feel so numb and find myself stare at the bare wall without even a thought on my mind, but an empty, tired feeling. I still hope it will fade away one day.

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