Dear honey bunny,
First of all, I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry for disappointing you. I promised to never kill myself. Well, I'm sorry, I broke that promise.
I wanted to be there for you, till the very end. But I can't do this anymore. I feel like this is one stereotypical sentence every suicidal uses and really, if I had other words I'd tell you.
I'm not able to explain my decision. You would understand it, but I still don't. And that's exactly why you're still alive and I'm not. You're simply smarter and you're much stronger than me. I believe in you. I believe that you'll survive all of this. And I'm so sorry that I'll never see you unconditionally happy.
You know, some people believe in God. In religion. They believe that there's some higher power that rules everything.
I believe in people. People that are pure. People who love. People who forgive. People who search for more. People who believe in good. That's why I believe in you. I have faith in you. I trust you.
I never lied when I said that you are my angel. My personal angel. You have your flaws and mistakes, yes, nobody's perfect. But these in combination with your wonderful characteristics are what makes you my angel.
I thought about that for a long time now. And about you in general. Also you and me. I'm still not sure if I'm in love with you. I'd really like to know, because I can't deny that there are indeed some feelings for you in me but I don't have any comparison. I just have this love for M. which I can't explain. It's so big and universal, devouring, something that blurs my vision because of its beauty. I never experienced a comparable thing and please, I never want that to happen.
As a sequel to these events, I don't know how it feels like to slowly fall in love with someone. How this gentle bud of feelings blossoms into a flower. How affection grows into love. I don't understand that. I was presented love with a fait accompli one time. But not with the normal process of falling in love.
So, yes, I love you. Somehow I really do. Platonic and romantic love. Well, we'll never figure out in which balance they are with each other. Just know that I really love you, that I care about you, and that you're amazing. You are freedom. You are peace. You are beauty. You are one of a kind. There's no definition for you.
I'm again sorry for what I've done. But you don't need me. Search for people who are good to you. Search for them, let them into your life and receive the love you deserve.
Love you, honey bunny.