You say "I am not the same person. I am not the romantic idiot I used to be". But I can't believe that that's true. When I look at you I see myself at 16, so in love with that romantic idiot. I remember poems and letters that broke my heart and mended it back together. I can still recall the warm nights in summer in my parents backyard when we were drinking beer on the swings and talked until the sun came up. About love mostly, but also about our families and then again about love. You had so many ideals and you looked at me with hopeful eyes, ready to change the world. "I don't think you would want to be with me now." Maybe you are right. But I don't say it. "I was so in love with you." My cheeks feel funny from smiling but wanting to cry at the same time. You tell me you didn't know and I don't believe you again. "You must have known. I told you so many times." Or did I? Maybe I just told myself. Your broke my heart more than once back then. You left me standing there so full of feelings that I had a hard time containing myself and the only one I wanted to talk to about it was you. Just the way I feel right now. "So what do you think?" I ask you. I want you to tell me to leave everything behind and just be with you already. To just trust my instincts telling me that if you have thought about something for 20 years it's probably the right thing to do. But you don't say anything. Instead you stare at me and drink your beer. We don't sit on porch swings anymore but the magic is still there. Finally you repeat: "I don't think I am the guy you remember me to be." I want to tell you that it's ok because I am not the same girl anymore either but that wouldn't be true. Because in truth it would only take one word from you and I would be 16 again, ready to leave everything behind for you. I look at you trying to hide the tears that fill my eyes like tiny little teacups. "You wouldn't want to be with me right now." You don't even give me a chance to try.